“Imagine that you are walking along the path over the abyss (and this in a sense is a metaphor for all our life in general), and you are insured with a strong rope, which is held by a person on the other side whom you trust completely – more than yourself. This is how the child perceives his attachment to the parent and parent’s to him.
But suddenly it seems to you that the rope loosened, and sagged a little bit. What’s happened? Did he decrease tension? Did he forget? Did he quit? Did he leave? You can not ask and also you cannot go figure out also , because to step out without climbing protection. What are you going to do? Of course, pulling the rope hoping that it is just a little bit sagged and now again will stretch and become firm and reliable as it was before. To yank with a sinking heart – what if you suddenly pull, and the other end will be released? But you will know if you will not pull?”
That’s exactly what the child does when he doubts about the strength of a loved one’s attachment. He yanks the rope. According to our experience, this is exactly that behavior that puts in jeopardy parental good attitude to a child. Its if he would ask “Are you still my adult? Even if I do that? Even if I’m bad? I cannot live in such anxiety – answer quickly, for me to know for sure!”
Since the question was born in the inner part of the brain, the child asks it not by words, but by behavior. And he waits not for an answer with irritated voice: ‘Yes, of course, I love you very much, go play in your room’. He waits for answer replied with your feelings and actions… Yes, really with actions!
Dear parents, we wish you wisdom and understanding in upbringing of your children in environment filled with love and joy!
A child needs your love most when he deserves it least.